All I've Ever Wanted

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -- Oscar Wilde


I ask you to seriously ruminate over this question:

What would your life would be like right now if you had gotten everything you've ever wanted?

Personally, I can't even fully comprehend how much my life would suck if this were the case. Everything I've ever wanted?  Let's consider the ways this would have royally screwed me over:

• My career path would be a hot mess. I mean, when I was little, I wanted to be everything from a marine biologist to a "famous movie producer". How would that work? I suppose I'd be producing a lot of films about sea creatures. Highly impractical and overdone.

• My love life would resemble that of a polygamist's. Considering the fact that most young girls hear wedding bells every time their little crushes walk into the room, I'd have husbands galore. Handfuls of husbands! Maybe numbering into the thousands! (Joke?) More than unnecessary, this would be traumatic and exhausting.

• My residing location would require teleportation. I've wanted to live in a lot places. If I could, I'd live in them all SIMULTANEOUSLY! However, due to the fact that my body is bound by something called TIME, this is unlikely to happen. In this case, getting what I want would actually require the laws of physics to collapse at my every whim.

In all seriousness, the reason I ask this question is because I think that thinking about what we want is awfully important.

What we want becomes what we do.

And it's hard for me to think of many things that are more important than our actions.

I urge you to take part in this thought experiment for yourself if you feel so inclined. I know that it has helped me to appreciate what I have and how I've come to be where I am now.

Thank God for not getting everything we want.

The iPhoneless: We do what we can to get by.

So iPhones are all the rage. I mean, everyone has one. Don't you? I don't. My dad does. He says he needs it for business. (He's a high school gym teacher.... ????) But that's neither here nor there.

What's both here and there is this:

The novelty of the iPhone is stealing the thunder of some other shining stars of inventions.

Must I remind you of....

• DUCT TAPE??? It holds things to other things.

• TOILETS??? Highly... HIGHLY under-celebrated.

• STEERING WHEELS?????? You can buy colorful covers for those TOO, you know!

• The "H" key??? Ow would you feel if everyting you read looked like tis because tere was no suc ting as the [letter that alpabetically proceeds "i"] key???
  
  
  

• STONES?!?!?

 

http://www.walyou.com/blog/2008/10/14/funny-iphone-3g-facts/

I don't know who the masterminds behind these things are. It's a shame their lives have not been more emphatically recognized considering all the benefits we have reaped from them.

I have theorized about the possibility that I am merely bitter because my lifestyle is not conducive to being an iPhone owner, and here's why:

1) I am broke.

2) I am prone to dropping delicate electronics.

3) I am not near patient enough to wait in a curiously long line to procure one.

And even if the above three things weren't true:

4) I have palmar hyperhidrosis to an extent that renders me physically unable to operate a touch screen on any level. 

Basically, the essence of this post can be captured in a single sentence: I, the sweaty-handed/iPhoneless loser covet yours.

The End.