A Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers

Once upon a time, a campus security officer was dispatched to a parking lot after a university employee reported hearing a female yelling shrilly from a parked car.

The officer approached the vehicle where a couple was in the middle of an all-out, heated fight complete with hysterical screaming. I cannot say that it was merely verbal as it had been reported that the female did throw her shoe at the male.

After calling in for back up and breaking up the fight, further investigation revealed that the conflict was over their Spring Break vacation destination. SPRING. BREAK. VACATION. DESTINATION. Supposedly MICHIGAN was a top candidate. Michigan is nothing to fret over, I assure you.

Anyways, an entire hour elapsed from the time the officer arrived on the scene to the time he cleared it. At the end of the call, the couple LEFT TOGETHER TO GO TO A BIRTHDAY PARTY.

Even further investigation revealed that the male's major of study was pastoral ministries. The female's? Communication disorders.

People, I couldn't make this stuff up.

Whether this couple lived happily ever after is still up for debate.

-The End-

A beach in Michigan. It's nothing you can't find in California where said university is located.

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Guac

An adrenaline rush followed by clammy hands, butterflies, and a lump in your throat. A heartbeat like a conga drum, uncontrollable welling up of the eyes, and blushing cheeks. Aching in your stomach, goosebumps on your skin, and the hair on the back of your neck standing up. That's what being in love feels like, right?!? So then, I must fall in love multiple times a day!!!!!!! Let me tell you why.

1. Last night, I dropped a piece of my donut on the floor. (cool story, Hansel) ... Naturally, I still ate it. That's not the point. The point is, later on in the evening, I saw a gigantic spider and happened to stomp on it and squish it in the very spot I had dropped my donut. I thought to myself, "If I had dropped my donut AFTER I killed the spider there, would I still have eaten it?" After much less deliberation than probably should have happened, I chuckled to myself because OF COURSE I WOULD HAVE. What a ridiculous proposition to think there would be any other option. Love is feeling like there's no other option.

2. If all of my friends jumped off a bridge, I wouldn't do it. Unless I were friends with everyone in the entire world and they all jumped off a bridge. Then I would do it. Because if I were the sole survivor on this planet, who would make food for me? Love is wanting to die.

3. One day I was eating the most delicious guacamole on God's green earth and my life flashed before my eyes. This experience literally brought back memories I didn't know I had. Love is being crazy.

4. A friend was describing to me a date she had recently been on that involved cooking with her guy. She said, "there's something just so romantic about food." My first thought was: "I couldn't agree more. I DO LOVE food!" Love is being blinded to what's really going on around you.

5. I routinely hope that people don't follow their dreams unless their dreams are to work at Taco Bell, Chick-Fil-A, or McDonalds. If these people someday decide to make good on their aspirations to become actors, musicians, astronauts, etc...... I will be one dissatisfied customer. Love is sacrifice.

6. I stand firm in the belief that I'm single because I can't date food. Love is not acting on your desperation, and holding out for what you really want.

7. Lately, I have been daydreaming about quitting one of my jobs. I keep thinking to myself, "maybe I'll just stop showing up" (sidenote: I would never actually do that, but a girl can dream).... the number one thing that has kept me from acting on this fantasy is the fact that I keep leaving my ice cream in the break room freezer. Love is sticking around even when the going gets tough.

8. The only thing I would ever even CONSIDER consider cheating on eating with would be sleeping. It's a close second but it still won't ever happen. You know those moments when you feel like you might be too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep? Food always wins. Love is having a clear cut first choice not to be rivaled by even the most eligible runners up.

In conclusion... I'm 109% sure that my experiences with eating constitute what true love really feels like. Right? Love.... Gluttony. Toe-may-toe/Toe-mah-toe.

Nom nom nom. <3

We are all pathetic.  Some of us just really take the cake. 

Games

My first ever stab at a "free-writing" exercise. Five minutes of typing on one subject without stopping. No edits. GO.

I have always thought that the main point of games was to get people involved with each other. To get them to have fun. To start conversations up, perhaps. Many people seem to think games exist purely for finding out who can win and who can lose. I don't think so. Sometimes, when I'm playing a game, it will spark an idea and I'll strike up a conversation with my teammates and/or opponents. Sometimes my teammates and/or opponents don't like that idea very much, and they get irritated because I have interrupted the game. But why don't they understand that the game is designed to spur conversation? I don't get what is so bad about that. I just wanted to have fun with you and the game was a good way to break the ice. Board games, sports, running games, hiding games, chasing games. My favorite board game growing up was always Monopoly. You have so much power. I love real estate also. Not sure why. I think it is because everyone needs shelter of some sort and it seems like a practical and respectable profession to get into; helping people find homes, that is. Perhaps homes will be my next topic but until next time, I should not find out whether that becomes true or not. I often miss Australia. I'm not sure why I brought that up. They play games in Australia. Perhaps that is why. I played Cranium while I was there with my Australian host family. They got angry when the game was interrupted just like Americans tend to do. Silly people. Silly world. Why can't we just have fun no matter what we are doing? Time is not wasted when the game is on hold. I also played Disney Trivial Pursuit with my host sister while I was in Australia. That was pretty fun, also. I do say, I have played a lot of games in my life. Online games are addictive but not as much fun because you usually cannot play them with others. Unless you can. In which case, great! I have always wanted to invent a game. I have tried many a time to invent a card game but I lack the patience that such a task probably requires. If I were to invent a game, I wonder if it would ever become played worldwide. In Australia even. Every country has games. Love games. Card games. Sports games. Name games. Games have been played for centuries all around the world, you see.


Ahh. Gotta love stream of consciousness. Babbling. What fun. Oh, the ramble that is life.

All I've Ever Wanted

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -- Oscar Wilde


I ask you to seriously ruminate over this question:

What would your life would be like right now if you had gotten everything you've ever wanted?

Personally, I can't even fully comprehend how much my life would suck if this were the case. Everything I've ever wanted?  Let's consider the ways this would have royally screwed me over:

• My career path would be a hot mess. I mean, when I was little, I wanted to be everything from a marine biologist to a "famous movie producer". How would that work? I suppose I'd be producing a lot of films about sea creatures. Highly impractical and overdone.

• My love life would resemble that of a polygamist's. Considering the fact that most young girls hear wedding bells every time their little crushes walk into the room, I'd have husbands galore. Handfuls of husbands! Maybe numbering into the thousands! (Joke?) More than unnecessary, this would be traumatic and exhausting.

• My residing location would require teleportation. I've wanted to live in a lot places. If I could, I'd live in them all SIMULTANEOUSLY! However, due to the fact that my body is bound by something called TIME, this is unlikely to happen. In this case, getting what I want would actually require the laws of physics to collapse at my every whim.

In all seriousness, the reason I ask this question is because I think that thinking about what we want is awfully important.

What we want becomes what we do.

And it's hard for me to think of many things that are more important than our actions.

I urge you to take part in this thought experiment for yourself if you feel so inclined. I know that it has helped me to appreciate what I have and how I've come to be where I am now.

Thank God for not getting everything we want.