Student-itis

I am a college senior. The majority of my friends have senioritis this year. I have been suffering from senioritis since approximately first grade. Now that I find myself in my actual senior year, I can't say I'm very overloaded with work. I'm currently taking two classes at a community college for a total of 3.5 units. One of them is badminton and the other is Fundamentals of Art. Oh yeah, and I'm taking an online class called "Historic Christian Belief" which I have six months to complete at my own pace. Obviously this is not a stressful situation.

This being said, I am ridiculously grateful that I have enough time to work as often as I do. I am so very thankful to not have to worry about classes and homework and professors and group projects and all that garbage that everybody else is always complaining about.

This extra time allows me to keep my schedule clear for complaining about all kinds of different things! As a reader of this blog, I'm sure you have noticed this.

Three cheers for part-timing and half-assing through life.

Kinda

The other day I was getting out of my car to go play badminton at a community college. I need to stress that I was wearing a T-Shirt and sweatpants, I had no make-up on, and my hair was thrown up in a gross bun.

A guy my age rode up to me on a bike.

"Can you spare like a dollar?"

"No, sorry."

"You don't even have no change or nothin'?"

"No. That's why I parked out here on the street. I don't even have any money to put into the permit dispenser on campus."

"Oh, alright."

He started to ride off and then circled back.

"You look nice, by the way."

"What?"

I had heard him. But, what?

"You look nice..."

He paused.

"...kinda."



I rolled my eyes and he rolled away.


Lesson #1:
Never try buttering someone up if they've already told you they don't have what you want.

Lesson #2: 
Never compliment a female when she obviously looks like crap.

Lesson #3:
NEVER END ANY KIND OF COMPLIMENT WITH "KINDA."

Ovary Action

I can't say or hear "over reaction" without visualizing ovaries picketing for a cause.

Tut tut... Looks like danger.

It's been raining a lot here in Southern California. For some reason, this is incredibly important to most people. You might be asking yourself, why, Carsten? Why is rain such a big deal?

I'm sorry that I cannot answer that question for you. I have no bloody clue why it is such a big deal.

Being from Chicagoland, I find the average Californian's reaction to rain to elicit within me an equal mixture of amusement and infuriation.

Will someone please explain to me how rain necessitates driving 15 miles an hour under the speed limit? I solemnly swear that you are not going to hydroplane at 25 mph. Based on the way they operate their vehicles, people out here seem to equate droplets of water falling from the sky with something far more dangerous. Like balls of fire. Or gorillas.

I have assembled a diagram to help those in need learn when it is appropriate to freak out about falling objects.

Somebody once asked me why I was going to wear sandals when it was raining. Why the hell wouldn't I? In case they get wet??? I don't understand! Your shoes are going to get far soggier than my sandals. Oy, vey.

The following dialogue is a representation of the kinds of conversations I've overheard countless times:

Rain-o-phobe #1: I can't believe it's raining. This sucks.
Rain-o-phobe #2: I know! There goes our movie plans!
Rain-o-phobe #1: Hopefully it will clear up by tomorrow.
Rain-o-phobe #2: Yeah, or else this whole weekend is ruined!

Even if you are deathly afraid of water, it is still highly possible for you to safely make it from your indoor location to another indoor location via the comfortable environment of your own automobile.

My Facebook newsfeed blows up with rain related statuses. In fact, it seems like those types of statuses are just as, if not more, numerous than the amount of earthquake related ones that I'm bombarded with after a quake. Really.

Rain is a part of nature. It's naturally occurring. You are also a part of nature. Please proceed with your life.

Hey, Red.

Yesterday, I dreamt that I saw a middle-aged Australian couple holding hands and walking down the street. I had to do a double-take, though, because I noticed that there was actually a third, much shorter, ghost-like person also holding onto them. Just then, the ghost-person turned into a regular person; a little ginger boy. I wanted to hold someone's hand too, so I approached him, but his hand was frightfully cold. When I asked him why, he responded angerly:


"You'd be cold too if you didn't have a soul!"


Then I woke up.


I love gingers. I really do. But my subconscious thinks it's a comedian.

A feeble attempt to make up for my many years of cynicism

I was on the phone with my cousin, Vic, the other day when she brought something peculiar to my attention.

"You know what I've realized?" she started. "It's amazing how people cooperate."

I immediately attempted to cite examples to the contrary, but was unable to articulate any single one due to the multitudes that came to mind. What was she SAYING? People don't COOPERATE! What an absurd suggestion! Doesn't she ever read the news? Bloody imbeciles are running amok every which way! Just think, for example, about the slathering of abhorrent miscreants who, by some miracle, possess drivers licenses and congregate on America's roadways daily. That, to me, seems like the very antithesis to anything even remotely resembling the concept of "cooperation".

But I digress...

"What do you mean?" I asked.

She said this idea occurred to her while sitting on a plane, watching some people politely interacting and others keeping to themselves entirely.

"I mean there are tons of opportunities to misbehave but most people don't!"

[Please pause a moment to soak in the irony of the picture below in which Vic herself is clearly misbehaving.]

When I really think about it (and I mean really, really) I guess I agree with her. Even despite the worldwide idiocy epidemic, it seems that somehow society seems to function at a pretty consistent state of normality thanks to common courtesy. After all, isn't it really only the rarity in which stupidity reigns supreme that even makes it noteworthy? I'd like to think that ridiculous behaviour stands out because it's not the norm, even though I am often tempted to think otherwise. I recently stumbled upon a quote that sums up my point quite nicely:

“I tell people that if it’s in the news, don’t worry about it. The very definition of ‘news’ is ‘something that hardly ever happens.’ It’s when something isn’t in the news, when it’s so common that it’s no longer news — car crashes, domestic violence — that you should start worrying.” ~Bruce Schneier

THIS GIVES ME HOPE. 

BUT... will this new-found hope be enough to negate the fact that I lose a little more faith in humanity with each trip in my car? Or will the masses' preposterous displays of asininity and self-centered thinking (both of which I am also guilty) continue to eat away at my soul?


Fortunately for me, that decision is in my hands.

After all, "as stupid and vicious as men are, this is a lovely day." -- Kurt Vonnegut

Wow.

This infuriates me.