Marry Poppins: Sweet, loving nanny or blood thirsty she-demon?

Mary Poppins was one of my favorite movies as a child though I'm not certain why. I watched it for the first time in probably a decade not long ago and it was not as charming as I had remembered.
For those of you who have not seen the movie, or haven't in quite some time, let me give you a brief summary. (Spoiler alert?)

IMDB's one-line synopsis is: "A magic nanny comes to work for a cold banker's unhappy family." That's putting it nicely, I suppose.

A synopsis that I think is far more accurate: "A heinous witch comes to terrorize a cold banker's innocent and unsuspecting brood of victims." And let me tell you why.
 

Basically, this family hires a nanny that first falls from the sky and then falls in love with the family's chimney sweep who is almost always covered in soot. Being that this chimney sweep's hygiene is less than superb, it is safe to assume that Mary Poppins actually put him under a love spell in order to gain leverage with the family. She then uses her powers to get the chimney sweep to help her kidnap the children and force them to jump into chalk drawings on the sidewalk that operate as rabbit holes to an alternate dimension. An evil alternate dimension, no doubt. Furthermore, she not only condones the children's drug use, but actually participates in this act of debauchery WITH them and attempts to brainwash them with euphemisms such as "spoonful of sugar". Later, she encourages them to pester a poor homeless woman, probably motivated by the drugs in attempts to acquire MORE drugs, though that part of the plot is never fully realized by the average viewer. What's more, she has conversations with her umbrella. And it talks back.

Another clear indication of witchcraft: Mary Poppins is able to tote around seemingly impossible amounts of personal belongings and produce them from out of that creepy bag whenever she feels so inclined. Oh, and she can levitate at will. That's always a sure sign. By the end of the movie, she even has succeeded in getting the once sensible banker father to participate in her black magic through reciting spells that give him an instant high. The following is an excerpt directly from the screenplay: "Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Poppins was right, it's extraordinary! It *does* make you feel better! Hee hee hee hee!" Unbelievable.

It's one thing to be an evil witch set out to destroy lives and confuse children. It's another thing altogether to be an ARROGANT evil witch. This "woman" clearly thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. In one scene, she refers to herself as "Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way." Practically atrocious in every way, Mary. Get a hold of yourself. And leave the children alone.

The bottom line is that this movie is inappropriate, terrifying, and quite frankly, a threat to the innocence of everyone everywhere. But don't take my word for it. Watch this trailer for the horror film that is Mary Poppins:

I rest my case.

To sleep: perchance to dream

"If a man could pass through Paradise in a dream, and have a flower presented to him as a pledge that his soul had really been there, and if he found that flower in his hand when he awake - Aye, what then?" --Samuel Taylor Coleridge


Sleep is so very elusive. It's crazy how something so important can be so difficult to obtain. Like nice guys or jeans that fit well. I know all three of those things are hanging out together somewhere laughing at me. At all of us! But that's neither here nor there.

As it happens, this blog was born several years ago to loving parents, Insomnia and Boredom. My freshman year, I would stay up until around 0500 every night. Rarely did such a night involve homework. Usually it involved nothing productive whatsoever... unless writing this qualifies as productivity... Unlikely. Anyhow, my brain simply did not want to rest until the night was nearly over. Then, all of a sudden, I got a job that allowed me to work graveyard shifts. Ever since, I have been making money for doing exactly what I did that first semester: Nothing. Brilliant.

These days, sleep eludes me other reasons. I live in a four (4) bedroom house with EIGHT (8) other people. This situation, as you may have guessed, is not conducive to falling or staying asleep.

Example: We have a piano.

My room is right above it.


*Face-palm.*

Being the lightest sleeper known to human-kind doesn't help a lick. (I once woke up because my roommate was twirling her hair too loudly. What does that even MEAN?) All that to say, I get most of my REM when they're on the radio.

This totally SUCKS because who would argue that dreaming is quite possibly the coolest thing ever? Luckily, on the rare occasion that Mr. Sandman decides to be a nice guy and crawl out of the woodwork where the rest of them are hiding, I remember my dreams. I've documented the ones I found most significant (read: f*%#ing creepy) in the link up there. ^ I am letting you read through those at your discretion for one easy installment of $FREE.99. Must be your lucky day...

I've been told that my dreams are incredibly bizarre. But I say, "compared to WHAT?" They seem more like accurate representations of a bizarre reality. After perusing through a few, one might realize they sound kinda similar to some of the anecdotes mentioned in this blog. To me, the waking world appears equally crazy if not craziER than my brain activity while dozing. I should seriously start carrying around a totem. 

Even though they seem to accurately capture the feelings of absolute insanity that I am overcome with in the waking world, there is something so surreally spiritual and, for lack of a better word, trippy, about dreaming. I mean... I don't understand how sleeping isn't putting the psychedelic hallucinogen people out of business. Honestly.

"I know I'm awake but it feels like I'm in a dream."
-- In Bruges