Marry Poppins: Sweet, loving nanny or blood thirsty she-demon?

Mary Poppins was one of my favorite movies as a child though I'm not certain why. I watched it for the first time in probably a decade not long ago and it was not as charming as I had remembered.
For those of you who have not seen the movie, or haven't in quite some time, let me give you a brief summary. (Spoiler alert?)

IMDB's one-line synopsis is: "A magic nanny comes to work for a cold banker's unhappy family." That's putting it nicely, I suppose.

A synopsis that I think is far more accurate: "A heinous witch comes to terrorize a cold banker's innocent and unsuspecting brood of victims." And let me tell you why.
 

Basically, this family hires a nanny that first falls from the sky and then falls in love with the family's chimney sweep who is almost always covered in soot. Being that this chimney sweep's hygiene is less than superb, it is safe to assume that Mary Poppins actually put him under a love spell in order to gain leverage with the family. She then uses her powers to get the chimney sweep to help her kidnap the children and force them to jump into chalk drawings on the sidewalk that operate as rabbit holes to an alternate dimension. An evil alternate dimension, no doubt. Furthermore, she not only condones the children's drug use, but actually participates in this act of debauchery WITH them and attempts to brainwash them with euphemisms such as "spoonful of sugar". Later, she encourages them to pester a poor homeless woman, probably motivated by the drugs in attempts to acquire MORE drugs, though that part of the plot is never fully realized by the average viewer. What's more, she has conversations with her umbrella. And it talks back.

Another clear indication of witchcraft: Mary Poppins is able to tote around seemingly impossible amounts of personal belongings and produce them from out of that creepy bag whenever she feels so inclined. Oh, and she can levitate at will. That's always a sure sign. By the end of the movie, she even has succeeded in getting the once sensible banker father to participate in her black magic through reciting spells that give him an instant high. The following is an excerpt directly from the screenplay: "Supercallifragilisticexpialidocious! Mary Poppins was right, it's extraordinary! It *does* make you feel better! Hee hee hee hee!" Unbelievable.

It's one thing to be an evil witch set out to destroy lives and confuse children. It's another thing altogether to be an ARROGANT evil witch. This "woman" clearly thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. In one scene, she refers to herself as "Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way." Practically atrocious in every way, Mary. Get a hold of yourself. And leave the children alone.

The bottom line is that this movie is inappropriate, terrifying, and quite frankly, a threat to the innocence of everyone everywhere. But don't take my word for it. Watch this trailer for the horror film that is Mary Poppins:

I rest my case.

Witches

I was somewhere between the ages of seven and ten. My siblings and I must have been tucked into our beds for a decent amount of time because as I stared at the ceiling from my top bunk, I remember thinking that I was probably the only one still awake. It always made me feel kind of scared when that happened. I was not fond of the stillness of being the only conscious person in a room.

At this point in my life, I was especially fearful of the supernatural. I went through a very long phase of being terrified of witches. On this particular night, I lay there, aware of my every breath, believing that any sudden movement may provoke an unknown entity to action. In my head, I was going through everything I knew about witches. As I was about halfway through my mental witch Rolodex (???) my little sister uttered a phrase from the bottom bunk that caused my blood to curdle and my bones to chill:

"Carsten," she breathed solemnly. "Witches aren't real, you know."

Let's just say I am unaware of how I remained in control of my bladder at that moment. There was absolutely no reason she should have said that. I was not talking about witches earlier in the day. We had not watched a film containing witches anytime in the distant past. It was not common knowledge that I was afraid of witches. I asked her why she said that. She said she didn't know.

So now, whenever a creepy coincidence involving both of us happens, she always says, "Wiiiiiitches!!!!" Yeah, it's cute. But it doesn't change the fact that, to this day, I consider that story one of the most petrifying coincidences of my life.