There is always something to say. Doesn't mean it should be said.

No matter what

I've often wondered why people care more about animals than people. I mean, I'm sure as a whole, this isn't true. But doesn't it seem like people get more emotional whenever animals are involved? I feel like I've cried more watching stuff like Old Yeller, Milo & Otis, and Homeward Bound than My Sister's Keeper or The Notebook.

I know a man who did not cry at his own father's funeral or when he was forced to kick his son out of the house, but did when he put his dog down.

Is it because animals love you no matter what?

Failbook

You've probably visited Failbook. I love the site but it wasn't until today that I encountered a Facebook interaction worthy of it for myself. Behold, my first ever Failbook submission. I hope it gets published. In all likelihood, it won't, and I'll forget about it. Which is why I want to share it here, for posterity. 

That is all.

Would YOU have a drink with you?

Julia Styles shares a drink with Julia Styles.

  


This commercial provokes my thoughts.

"Would you have a drink with you?"

Weh-heh-ell! That's something to think about. But I cannot answer the question without first asking a series of seemingly related yet equally unnecessary ones. As a student in the fine field of journalism, I must whip out the WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY, and HOWs:






Who is going to pay the tab-- me or me?
Who is going to believe me when I tell them about this later?
What am I going to talk about with myself?
What should I both wear?
Where am I going to go?
When is this little date going to go down?
When should we conclude this creepy rendezvous?
Why should I attempt such an unusual out of body experience?
How will I get back into one body afterwards?
 
Nevermind. This question is obviously way too involved for any one person to figure out by themselves. It's actually almost outrageous enough to be something that I could only discuss with another me... over drinks.
 
I'll give you a good question. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? Riddle me that, Stoli Vodka.
 
I win. You can put it on the booooard...YES!
 
Despite this victory, in the grand scheme of things, the score is still something like
 
Carsten- 1
Vodka- 1,485
 
 
 
But that's neither here nor th-- Oh, forget it. I need a drink.*




*Please resist the urge to conclude that this post was written after or during the consumption of copious amounts of alcohol. Everything written here was done so under wholly sober conditions. Believe it. Don't believe it. It's your life.

Run, sentence! Run!

Who doesn't love a good run-on sentence every now and then? Nobody I know. I'm starting a collection. Here's a recent favourite of mine:

"So the other day my chiropractor shoved his hand up my mouth and readjusted my brain because my eyes were popping out of their sockets and now I can concentrate better." --My sister

I told her that her chiropractor was surely being facetious. She told me nobody ever believes this story. Do you blame them? Where I'm from, throats travel from north to south, rendering the act of shoving a hand UP a mouth blatantly mythological, or, at the very least, pretty ding-dang-dong dangerous.

But that's neither here nor there. Next run-on: 

"Somebody wrote 'honk if you're horny' on our car after we got married but only one person honked because I accidentally cut them off because there was so much freaking paint on our windows." --A coworker

I told him that that was one of the best run-ons I'd ever heard. He told me that run-ons are his literary strength. Also, that his wife's spiritual gifts are cooking and bocce ball.


Liz Danzico on Merlin Mann on Anne Lamott on Haruki Murakami on great sentences:

"I couldn’t really place the sentence on my great sentences list because while it’s mostly grammatically sound and includes words and punctuation, it did not meet my own requirements of having a large foam cowboy hat, nor was it about how broccoli looks like little trees, nor did it create a fort made of sofa cushions in which I could enjoy the sentences included in my proper list of great sentences."