Latest Night Time Thoughts

Recently, I "sleep read" a text from my cousin that said, "My neighbors are always disappearing..." As I drifted back to real sleep, I contemplated the implications of this message. I sincerely and semi-strenuously thought about why the fact that people were DISAPPEARING wasn't worth more than a text message. In my head, I pictured her neighbors literally fading from view like holograms, something I knew doesn't happen to most people. As I fell deeper and deeper into sleep I became more and more angry as to the lack of concern over this issue. Why wasn't anybody trying to do more to help keep them from disappearing?

A few weeks later, I was sleeping on a plane. I woke up and the first thing I saw was my nose from the corner of my eye. The lighting caused it to look darker than it really is. Therefore, I obviously thought I was black. And in my semi-conscious state, I didn't think this was strange in the slightest. Of course I was black. This "fact" didn't phase me at all, despite lifelong caucasian-hood prior to that point.

Acting as a Human

One dreary Sunday morning, I woke up to a text from a number with my same area code. I continued the conversation for much longer than I would have in normal circumstances once I got to work and was bored brainless. Enjoy.

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Mystery Texter: I realized I am a robot acting as a human but i keep on singing as a VOCALOID

Me: I'm sorry. Who are you?

Mystery Texter: Maria silly xD

Me: And who do you think I am?

"Maria": O isn't this skylar....?

Me: I wish.

"Maria": You wish...? So wait... who are you...? O.o

Me: I know nobody by the name skylar nor maria. I live in california and am not a robot.

"Maria": Ohh sorry... i texted the wrong number this is embarresing... eh....

Me: Its ok. Even robots make mistakes.

"Maria": Haha Im not a robot lets just clear that up now lol. I dont know why im still txtng u sheer bordem i suppose.

Me: What is a vocaloid?

"Maria": Its a robot. Its invented by the japanese they are robots that sing songs. There actually pretty popular. You can look them up on like youtube or whatever.

Me: Cool

"Maria": Ya i suppose so xD

Me: I hope you find skylar

"Maria": Lol thanksss.... Its just ur numbers only have 1 diff numb in it so ehh... ya sorry lol

Me: At least youre from chicago so that's cool

"Maria": Yepp. Its so cold here tho i really want to move after college lol. So cali? Thats nice.

Me: It is indeed. I moved here for college and am never moving back.

"Maria": Oh nice. What part do u live in? I have lots of fam in san diego.

Me: I live in a suburb of LA but go to san diego all the time. Lovely place.

"Maria": Oh thats cool.

[DAYS LATER]

"Maria": Ummm this is sebastian right?

Me: No, skylar

"Maria": Skylar? Thank god i been forgetting ur # and txting random creeps all week lolzz x.x. wassup love? XD


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And here I was, thinking Maria and I had become best of friends. All the while there she was, thinking I was a creep. Despite the fact that the conversation began with her thinking she is not human. Hmmmmmmmm.

Anyways. I did search "vocaloid" on YouTube. I still don't get it.

Starr

Starr

The last night time thought I had to my recollection:

I "woke up" (if you can really call it that) with an incredible sense of urgency surrounding the idea of getting in contact with my parents' German Shepherd, Starr. I felt bad because I hadn't seen or talked to (???) her in a while. I decided the best way to remedy the situation would be by texting her immediately.

It was at this point that I kind of groggily realized that this was an absolutely ridiculous idea. For one thing, she does not have opposable thumbs. For another thing, she does not have her own cell phone. Lastly, I'm not even that fond of her.

She has since been put down, so now I feel kinda bad about that last part. :\

Santa's Slovenly Shenanigans

I texted Santa tonight. The real Santa. Santa Claus. It's true. I found his number online. It's 1224. That's his number. Get it? Like, 12/24. Christmas Eve! How clever. I wonder how famous you have to be to get your cell phone number shortened to a mere four digits. Probably pretty famous.

But I digress. The following is our textual conversation in its entirety:

Me: Are you really Santa?

Santa: Just received your wish list! Isn't it great I can receive texts? even at the North Pole!? I will look over your list now, but you better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why... I'm coming to town soon! Ho Ho Ho! Sincerely, Santa Claus

Me: Thanks for answering my question, Santa. I hate you.

Santa: You're very welcome. Ho Ho Ho! - Santa

Me: You obviously misunderstood.

Santa: Hi there! Nice List! It's the most wonderful time of the year, isn't it? My elves and I have been working hard in our shop. I hope you're staying busy singing carols, hanging mistletoe and above all, being nice! Ho Ho Ho! Sincerely, Santa Claus




Santa is a jackass.



Merry Christmas.